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Monthly Archives: December 2005

>The pain continues.

Every day, since before Xmas, I’ve had one or two Horton headache attacks. Yesterday, the pain woke me up at 05:20. The Zomig pills do very little, probably only shortens each episode, but doesn’t do anything for the actual pain.
In between attacks, I try to live and appreciate life as much as possible. But, this is not easy as I don’t dare to be further away than 15 minutes from my bed in a dark cold room. I’m constantly trying to detect “Is it about to happen, again”, which makes life and fun almost impossible.
Why? Most other forms of pain can be said to have some kind of purpose. Horton hasn’t. Or, nobody has figured it out yet. Is it a price we have to pay? For what? Why me? When will the cluster end, this time?

>I’m writing this between attacks of severe pain – headache. After checking my diary, I haven’t had this for over two years, and was hoping that it was “improvement by age” that had happened. While most people know severe headache as Migraine, this (as has been properly diagnosed) is a worse form known as Horton’s Headache, which is a form of Cluster headache.
Many say that Horton’s is the worst pain experience that can be had and still being alive. It’s true.
If my “normal pattern” develops, I’ll experience hell inside my skull for the next 4 weeks or so. Whenever it stops, I’ll be afraid of doing anything that really requires my attention for a month or so.

>Sean and I had a great afternoon in postproduction in the UL recording studio, trying to finish and master TXTULTR. Initially, spirirts were high, the vocals and Aidan’s solo is just great. So are the electroacoustics, especiialy Eoin’s performance on the Kakaphonizer. As we started to work on the orchestral parts, we got both depressed and angry. Finally, we’ve decided to use, if possible, the MIDI tracks instad of the live sound, as they represent what we’d like to communicate in a more accurate way.

>Be prepared to be rendered. Condo Airlines’ friendly personnel (a.k.a. Civilian-clothed Interrogator Assholes) will collect you anywhere on Planet Earth and provide soothing drugs and orange jump-suit. Free transport to arbitrary conversation-therapeutic centre via European airports in full denial – FOR FREE. Special offer this week: full body massage including electrodes attached to naughty bits.