Mikael Fernstrom

>I went up to Ennis today to see the specialist who’d sort out my root canal problem. After examination, and yeee this guy had the widgets, we agreed that next Tuesday, I’ll take my sedatives and he’ll drill through my jaw for 2 hours. If we’re lucky, it’ll work. If not, I won’t be able to talk about it.

>I have the most amazing neighbour, Donal. He’s a mechanical engineer, making prototypes for all and everybody. I gave him a drawing yesterday afternoon and today he called in with the finished design, in triplicate! Top quality, exactly to spec, just fantastic…

>After all the troubles with air travel through the UK in the past week or so, I think we may have discovered the ultimate plot. It is suspected that the Queen of England, Elisabeth the II, is in fact an Arab in hiding! The name Elisabeth (or Elizabeth) is in fact the English form of the Hebrew name, El Isheva. So, our best advice to MI5,6 and whatever numbers they are using nowadays is – go arrrest the Queen. She might not be whom you think she is…

>From tonight, my wife will be sleeping with Darth Vader – to-be. Me. After being diagnosed with 25% sleep apnoea, I finally received my magical machine today that hopefully will force air down my nostrils while the rest of my body has forgotten how to breath, while sleeping. Either it works, and I’ll be very happy, or it doesn’t and I’ll have to start a new research programme into cyber-remedies for sleep apnoea.

>For the last few weeks, we’ve been hearing what sounds like a distant gunshot when we’re sitting in our garden. It goes BANG every 70 seconds. From my subjective judgement, it might be anything from 350 to 1000 meters away, in the direction of Castleconnell. We don’t have a clue what the hell it is. Even the most ambitious hunter would not be able to afford that many clay pidgeons. If anybody has an idea what it is, please let me know.