Mikael Fernstrom

>Last night, the Bootleggin Band played at a wedding in Castleoaks in Castleconnell. Great gig.
Rumour has it that the band will appear shortly in a pub in Annacotty, probably on Thursdays.

>Did anybody consider that the bin Laden tape might have been “design by the CIA? That would be a nice and scary conspiracy story…

>I saw the Prime Time on RTE1 today. Why do they do TV programs so shallow? Chomsky was great. He must be pretty smart as he agrees with what I think 😉

>A couple of weeks ago, Digiweb offered wireless boradband in my area. Horay! I put in an order immediatly. As I live, eat and sleep on-line, I decided to charge it to work. A purchase order have been issued, check sent, but so far no sign of Digiweb… I phoned them to firm up on installation date, but the incompetent eegit at the call center “knew nothing”. That’s not a good start of a new relation.

>It’s been a good day, despite my backlog is just too extensive. One thing at the time…
It’s now about a week since my last headache. It’s really strange how cluster headaches, or Horton’s headache, can just hit you like it’ll be the end of your life, and then suddenly dissapear again. I can feel “shadows” of all the pain, but suddenly I dare to live again.
I noted at the Irish Contemporary Music Centre in Dublin now have our Softday listning on-line. Great!
I’ve written a letter to my mum, in Swedish. Great!
I have several good books to read. Great!

>For the last couple of days, I’ve only had one Horton headache attack per day. I’ve started to work again, a few hours per day. I’ve also started to read again, which is wonderful. Since just before Xmas, I’ve hardly appreciated music, food, or anything. But now, it seems I’m slowly getting my life back again.

>Today, I’ve had a day without pain. This is the first pain-free day since before Xmas. I’m totally exhausted after days of pain and medication, but I’m determined to get back to life again.

>The pain continues.

Every day, since before Xmas, I’ve had one or two Horton headache attacks. Yesterday, the pain woke me up at 05:20. The Zomig pills do very little, probably only shortens each episode, but doesn’t do anything for the actual pain.
In between attacks, I try to live and appreciate life as much as possible. But, this is not easy as I don’t dare to be further away than 15 minutes from my bed in a dark cold room. I’m constantly trying to detect “Is it about to happen, again”, which makes life and fun almost impossible.
Why? Most other forms of pain can be said to have some kind of purpose. Horton hasn’t. Or, nobody has figured it out yet. Is it a price we have to pay? For what? Why me? When will the cluster end, this time?

>I’m writing this between attacks of severe pain – headache. After checking my diary, I haven’t had this for over two years, and was hoping that it was “improvement by age” that had happened. While most people know severe headache as Migraine, this (as has been properly diagnosed) is a worse form known as Horton’s Headache, which is a form of Cluster headache.
Many say that Horton’s is the worst pain experience that can be had and still being alive. It’s true.
If my “normal pattern” develops, I’ll experience hell inside my skull for the next 4 weeks or so. Whenever it stops, I’ll be afraid of doing anything that really requires my attention for a month or so.

>Sean and I had a great afternoon in postproduction in the UL recording studio, trying to finish and master TXTULTR. Initially, spirirts were high, the vocals and Aidan’s solo is just great. So are the electroacoustics, especiialy Eoin’s performance on the Kakaphonizer. As we started to work on the orchestral parts, we got both depressed and angry. Finally, we’ve decided to use, if possible, the MIDI tracks instad of the live sound, as they represent what we’d like to communicate in a more accurate way.